When How You Feel + What You See = Disconnect

I talk a lot about feeling.

I push people to dwell in the feeling of how they want to feel so that they begin to live life in the way that feels good to them. But what if you live the feeling, but how you feel and what you see don’t connect?

This happened to me last weekend. I was in upstate New York getting engagement photos taken and how I felt during the shoot compared to what I saw afterward were drastically different.

I’m a firm believer that if you feel good you look good.

That if you believe in yourself it’s impossible to look weighted down or even give off a heavy, negative, vibe. But, when I was scrolling through the proofs it was almost like I wasn’t really seeing the lightness that I felt.

So after I put the computer to the side I got out my notebook and started writing down what I saw.

Sentence after sentence I lead with something negative and by the end of the page what I had was almost a full on hate list of well, myself. Ouch. I put my pen down and closed my eyes.

Why was I being so mean to myself?

The next morning I opened up the photos again, but this time, I did something different. Before I looked at myself, I reminded myself that I could choose what I see.

That I could choose to see with nurturing eyes – that I could choose to see myself differently.

Guess what happened? The photos from the day before transformed into pictures that I liked. Why? Because I had decided to look at myself and like every part about me.

It’s much easier to get down on ourselves because we aren’t this or that than it is to embrace and accept ourselves. But when I decided I wanted to embrace what I saw, I could finally see what was there.

This isn’t something that simply happens, it’s a conscious decision that has to be made. And it’s a decision that we may have to make many times a day, but the important piece is doing it.

Today’s challenge is to see yourself in a positive light.

Anytime a negative phrase comes barreling in, take a moment and stop. Notice it. Then say to yourself, I choose to see myself differently. I choose to like myself right now. I choose to be good to myself.

Please tell me how it goes in the comments below!

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  • Helen Burns

    I love it! And very on point with some challenges I am experiencing with the team I am managing. Working on reminding myself and them to be kinder to themselves and each other. Thank you for your ongoing wisdom.

  • Vas Shirley

    Congratulations – are the photos for your engagement 😉

  • Cynthia Kane


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