Well, Whatever!


Sitting at the island in the kitchen I ask, “Is the coffee done?”

“Did it say it was ready?” My mother walks over to the coffee maker. “Did you do grind then on?”


“Well, how did it do it?” She’s now inspecting the coffee maker with her hands. “Did it make a noise?”

“I hit on. And it made a noise.”

“So it ground the air?”

“I don’t know. What? Are you saying it didn’t make coffee?”

“No, it did, because I already ground the beans.”

“So then why did it matter if I hit grind then on?”

“Whatever.” My mother shrugs and walks to open the refrigerator. “Do you want some green juice?”

The garage door opens. My mom sees that I’m writing. “You write like that with that pen. You used to write controlled and precise, but, the way you’re doing it now, well, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

The ding of the alarm sounds and my father walks in from the garage. “Buenas dias,” my mother says.

“Como se llama.”

“Florence.” My mother walks by my father to the second freezer located off the kitchen. The second freezer holds meat, chocolate, frozen microwaveable meals. My mother buys to save. “Here, Cyn, I have something for you.” She hands me a magnet of liquid / dry measure equivalents. “Wait.” She looks over my shoulder, lightly holding the magnet. “I just wanted to make sure I knew it all so I wouldn’t have to make a copy.”

My mom walks to her computer. I get out the Almond Milk and shake it. She turns. “Is that shaken up enough? Whatever. I just got this from Mary. About buying local honey. China. Green Giant. China.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I just got this from Mary. I knew this one about the honey.”

“Who’s the source?”

“Well, Mary sent it. I don’t know who her source is.”

“Is it a forward?”

“Yeah. Well, whatever.”

The phone rings. Rings. No one answers it.

“Wow, you know what I just read?” I look up.

“What, sweetie. Oh, wait. Ira.“ she yells. “Ira,” again, she yells for my father, who is upstairs,  “when you go out today can you remember to pick up milk.”

“What?” he screams from the upstairs landing.

“Can you buy milk when you go out. Did you hear me?”

“Yes. Yes. I heard you.”

“Sorry, sweetie. What were you saying?”

“I just learned that chef hats are made that way so that there’s more ventilation for the head.”

“Well, whatever. So do you need anything for your trip? Or, wait, what about boots. Do you need boots?”

“No, I don’t need anything.”

“What about gloves, do you have gloves?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Well, whatever. What do you think of this new shirt I bought?”

“It’s nice.”

“I got it on sale over at Nordstrom.” Back at her computer she reads, “sweet sodas and soft drinks may raise your risk of depression.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“I just read it on the internet. Oh, great, there’s a new virus, the Sydney virus from Australia, that’s taking over all the other viruses in Europe. One of the most infectious viruses. Not more serious, just infectious.”

“Where did you read that?”

“Yahoo.” She stands up. “Well, whatever.”


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