One of the hardest practices for students to learn when they start the Kane Intentional Communication Method is this notion of not fixing or giving advice unless they’re asked.
It’s our nature to want to help, to solve problems. It’s within us to care for others so much that we take on problems that aren’t ours to solve.
Most of the time what a person wants is to be heard.
To share something uncomfortable or difficult, joyful or exciting and be held in that space without words.
I liken this to the witching hour. Some of you might know this phrase, but if you aren’t familiar with it, it’s that early evening hour where little babies can’t be consoled.
Ryah goes through this around 7 pm each night.
I can try to rock her.
I can sing her songs.
I can walk her around.
I can talk to her.
And no matter what I try to do. No matter how I try to “fix” what I see as a problem, nothing changes.
But … when I don’t rock or sing or walk or talk and simply hold her close to me, she quiets.
It doesn’t matter why she’s crying it’s acknowledging that she is that helps.
So within your conversations today and this week, I encourage you to see where you’re trying to “fix”. And I’ll give you a hint – when we want to fix it’s because we feel more discomfort than the person who’s sharing with us.
Notice where you’re stepping in too much and instead allow the discomfort to be there, hold space for it, and let it run its course.
by 
