Old Communication Patterns

It’s been a bit silent on my end and that’s because baby girl was born on October 2nd at 1:45 a.m. She came earlier than expected, at 36 1/2 weeks, and very quickly! She’s doing great, eating and sleeping like a champ. And we’re all getting used to what a family of four now feels like.

Like when I had my son, I’ll take these next couple months to really step back, slow down, and not only sleep and take care of myself, but also dream and use my imagination.

Though I will say the dreaming and the imagination part don’t come for me until around now, three to four weeks after birth. It doesn’t come, because it takes me this long to shift the way I’m talking to myself.

Again, like with my son, week three seems to be when I notice how I’m talking to myself about my husband, my son, and baby girl. And what I notice is my default way of interacting with myself; I play the victim. When I do this, well, nothing is fun, nothing is easy, everything is dull and exhausting. I don’t see any beauty I just see blame and resentment.

In this state of mind there’s very little creativity or expansion that can exist.

What I find is that during this time it’s really easy to fall back into old communication habits, especially with lack of sleep. And what I notice most is the way I’m talking to myself.

When I ask students to start paying attention to how they talk to themselves, to see what language is moving them more towards fear and anxiety, stress and overwhelm (suffering) they focus more on how they’re talking to themselves about themselves. So stories like, “my hip is bothering me and my body just doesn’t do what it used to do” or “I don’t know how to address difficult topics with my husband.” What they seldom pay attention to, which is even more important at times, is how they’re talking to themselves about other people in their lives. How are they talking to themselves about their partner, their boss, their relationships, their workplace. How are they talking to themselves about their children, friends, or siblings. What are they creating or making things mean.

With week three under way, I’m now beginning again. Noticing and observing the language I’m using that’s creating more doubt, fear, anxiety, and stress. I recommit to seeing others with honesty and compassion and as I do the way I talk to myself then mirrors that perspective.

Where are you falling back into old communication patterns? Where can you begin again?

Taking the time to see yourself clearly and admit that the way you’re seeing others is affecting how you live is uncomfortable, but what I’ve learned is that discomfort is necessary for change to occur.

You’ve got this!



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