I look out my window and see the wind blowing the trees. It’s so beautiful. I love windows. The inventor of the window and I would have been friends.
To live in a world without windows would be dark and musty. To live in a world without windows, well, it would be hard to see much of anything. But a window isn’t only a sheet of glass. A window can be anything that makes me see something that before I couldn’t. Writing is that way for me. When I write I create a window to see what’s going on inside. I look inside to shed light on what’s dark, so I can witness it.
I’ve started writing a new book project. It’s about my life from age 18 to now. And I’ve been going through all my old journals. I found a piece I wrote when I was a CIT at Camp Tanamakoon in Algonquin Park. It’s from 1994 and the window into myself looked something like this.
I find splendor in things unknown. I look into the sky and see all the colors of the light spectrum. I look at the lake beneath me, so calm and unclear that I stare and try to make sense of it. I try too hard that my eyes grow tired. I look away from the unclear mystery of it all and relax into simply gazing at its beauty.
I sit on my rock and look into the beauty while thoughts flutter close. The lake is moving in an upward direction now, flowing to the beat of my heart. The trippers are paddling off into the wild, the breeze smells like old wine, and the voices in the distance sound like a recorder playing a far off tune.
Today I am supposed to be drawing, but I want to write. I am here to teach, but I want to learn. I am tired of running around and wish to just sit and write about what I see, feel, and hear.
The sun hasn’t broken through the clouds yet and there is a light mist glossing the sky. The birds are singing their morning praises while the geese welcome the new day in silence.
Beauty is wonderful. It makes many things appear inside my head. It makes me love the way everything is in this exact moment. A moment, but just one that lasts for a second but feels like forever. And I want it to be forever but then I realize that if it did stay forever it would no longer be a moment.
I haven’t been back here in three years, but everything is the same. The smell, the beauty, and the feeling of life. My heart beats stronger and my mind breathes without intimidation. Life is who I am in this beauty.